Call off the Search: How I stopped seeking and found peace
Chapter 12: Green Mist Theory 8:08 (this came to me, fully realised, in a dream)
You created a machine, a robot cyborg of flesh and blood, the movies etc. are clues or faint echoes of this truth. We think they are fantastic fantasy but they are nowhere near as exciting as the truth: We were ‘mist’ (we are energy) and we created a vessel that can cry and feel and we created the world we live in. But then we got distracted by our bodies and sex and forgot. (I even got/get distracted by that in the dream/my dreams).
Look in the mirror, at yourself crying, at your face melting, at it going through all ages.
Me to my mum: ‘Mum, are you awake?’ (Use of the word ‘Mum’ as a mindfulness bell (or spinning top, or programmed pendulum) as I don’t call her that). ‘Is there a club for people who are awake? Is there training?’ ‘Yes, in a mental institution.’ Oh yes of course, you’d think I’d gone mad… But it’s everyone else that’s mad, the mad people are the sane ones. But fair enough, you’d think I’d gone mad if I said ‘None of this is real’. The trick is, to know the truth but to still carry on living in the world (to keep one foot in the visible and one foot in the invisible). We did this for a reason, perhaps we forget for a reason? Maybe sex, and beauty etc was a trick we inserted to help us forget.
We made the body like people make robots but then it began to become real (like robot AI stories again) so yes, when you feed something, it grows. And so we began to feel emotions in our bodies, emotions began to live and be processed in our bodies; so that our bodies became more than just a vehicle to hold the mist in or to transmorgophy the mist. We only really need to remember this at death, that these bodies were only made up, and that we go back to being mist, and that this adventure was just a dream.
You get more out of the experience of being here by not being locked in a mental institution so it’s best to follow the earlier advice and keep most of this to yourself.
My attempts to ‘start a conversation’ and wake everyone up, were hey, let’s talk about being little kids, about when you toilet trained, about toilet stuff, hey, I wet myself once, or what about sexually when you are a child, did you ever, or let’s talk about sexual abuse… (groans from John) okay, okay, let’s talk about… and John as old, lots of grey hair, beard.
(Not, how you used to always have in your draft manuscript as a footer, ‘all you have to do is meditate’- all you have to do is write, (which you are doing) so you don’t actually have to do anything: stop studying, stop meditating, stop all ‘spiritual practices’).
Looking in the mirror and crying, saying, what if I could create a machine that cried and moved how I wanted and could change its expression, and, and, and, that I could totally inhabit, so that even my emotions would be felt in its fleshy parts, because this machine is flesh not plastic and metal. Oh look, I did.
Re aliens: we are aliens. We transmorgophied, and dropped into, or integrated into, living spacesuits, hence all the sci fi things along this line (no wonder I don’t like them). They distract us by giving us something that seems fantastic yet the truth is far more amazing- it’s not made up on television, it’s here, in front of the mirror, take a look, if you look carefully, you can see. (And if you take magic mushrooms, you can literally see)
Bodies are important as they are our vehicle to live on here and do things, so look after them.
Practical application: do my best to look and act normal at work; do as little as possible, for now, out of work, in order to leave space to remember to remember and to write it down. Cease all spiritual practices. Allow maintenance, allow reminder activities? Cease seeking behaviours but allow documentation? My reminder activities: read my writing, write my writing, old stuff, and maybe new stuff, read books e.g. Russell Hoban and Krishnamurti and Liz Gilbert. Quiet time, meditation, contemplation, self healing, exploration. Do healing, do writing, food and exercise of course, no fb just check for messages.
Mum: ‘People used to say, remember to remember, but I’ve forgotten what that was about.’
But we must have done it for a reason (made these machines to live (love?) in and come down to live in this world) and seeing as when we die we go back to being green mist again, then that must mean that whatever the reason is it is what we do on the planet with physical bodies.
So it’s not correct to say ‘none of this matters’ and maybe it’s not actually correct to say ‘none of this is real’ because it’s what we’ve got- it’s all we’ve got, until our bodies expire. You can spend some time hanging about as green mist (e.g. meditating, doing metta bhavna) and that is very nice but I wonder if it is not what you are here for? You weren’t given, you don’t transmorgophy into a body and arrive here to sit in a room on your own and play at being mist again.
It’s useful to look down at yourself from the point of view of the green mist. E.g. when to take a break from the computer, when to leave work on time.
In the dream I kept trying to write this all down but kept falling asleep or not being able to read it back, or kept getting distracted by sex, and then someone said they would read it out to me from a book, so I thought, oh well, it’s in a book, of course it is, I thought I’d thought of that myself…. but it isn’t in a book, unless I write it.
Thank you for reading xxx